Sunday, 16 October 2016

15th October 2016

Hi my Friends

I thought I would share this very special day with you as you have all been such an amazing support for me and my family, and I can't put into words how much each and everyone of you have meant to me. Just to have you return when the news is still so sad and I'm so sorry for that. I don't mean to make you all feel so sad, but my goodness I'm so happy to know you are all still here.

Yesterday was Baby loss Awareness Day (15th October 2016 ). Claire made some fairies, they are so beautiful, all made by hand, I made my angels Claire also made some little angels out of beads and made choker necklaces with them, which are apparently back in fashion, and were all sold at a baby loss Awareness function that was held in the morning of the 15th October 2016, called " Eat cake for Kitty ". Yet another mummy who lost her baby. Claire was raising money to help refurbish the awful bereavement room at Winchester Hospital that she gave birth in and then, Claire & Toby both had to say goodbye to our grandchild. Claire has been involved in raising money for SANDS (Sudden And Neonatal Death Syndrome ) for the renovation of this much needed birthing & goodbye room and for all the poor mum's & dad's that are going to face that devastating loss in the future. With all Claire has to deal with everyday, I am so proud of her and all the other Angel mummy's & Daddy's past & present that are going through this most devastating time.

Thousands of Mummy's Daddy's, Grandparents, friends and followers, People  lit a candle for " Baby Loss Awareness Day " yesterday. I shared these pictures with Claire and asked if I could share them with you all, and she said yes. Thank you darling Claire XX.

My brave little girl Claire that had the most beautiful Angel baby.xx

This is to support Baby Loss Awareness Day 15th October

This is a  photo I treasure. In all their sadness Claire & Toby still found time to Dress there little girl with clothes they hoped she would wear. This is all the time they had to spend with Evelyn 48 hrs ending on Mothers day to tell her how much they love her and how much she had touched their lives.

The ornaments were a present that Claire bought me, a mother & daughter and then when she found out she was pregnant and was carrying Evelyn she bought me the Grandmother & Granddaughter figurine. I loved it so much for what our future was going to be, Claire Evelyn & me. 

I Can't put into words how much I love my little Evelyn. She was the most perfect baby in every way and I cannot understand why she is not here with us all now.

This is one of my last good bye's to our very special angel baby. I didn't want to let her go as I knew this was my last cuddle & I had to make it last for my lifetime.

I'm so sorry that mt blog is so so sad at the moment but I need to write about it or I think I will go insane. It's been 7 months and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel still. I can only see other families around me enjoying what we as a family should be enjoying and should be looking forward to.

Next Saturday I have big Birthday, and hoped I would be celebrating it with ALL my family. I know in some special way Evelyn will be here. I don't think even she will let me get away without some kind of ribbing for arriving at 60yrs. It's only a number after all. I Love you my beautiful angel baby girl.

If you are still here with me XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

Thank you all for being here for me, lots of love always

Tina XX


  1. Hi Tina,

    Words escape me, such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful little Angel.
    Thinking of you very much.
    Angela xx

  2. Tina, why shouldn't we still be here? We are here to give you support, you have had a terrible loss and we all can only imagine the pain you are feeling. You also have had health problems yourself to contend with. No we will always be here, I also support Claire on her blog, she is getting there slowly and helping others with her words and all the little fund raising things she is doing.
    Remember 60 is just a number,
    I have just noticed you have a post up before this one, I must have missed that one, so I will go read that in a minute.
    Stay strong that light will come at the end of that tunnel and things will brighten up once again.
    Thank you for allowing us to see your very special photos, remember Evelyn will always have a big place in all your hearts. Xxx

  3. Hi Tina

    A very emotional post indeed. Such beautiful words. A lovely tribute to Evelyn and Claire. She'll always be with you and always be a part of your family. You'll never forget that short and incredibly special time with her. Although it's incredibly hard, the hardest thing it feels like, the greatest tribute to Evelyn is to live on in happiness with her in your hearts. You and Claire are paying such beautiful tribute to Evelyn with a purpose that will benefit so many by raising money in her name for Winchester Hospital and for SANDS to help all the other angel babies and their parents and grandparent in their time of need.

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute... And as for why we're still here, what are friends for?

    With love and best wishes to all your family and in memory of Evelyn x

  4. Hi Tina
    Such Beautiful words and thank you for sharing with us.

    With love and hugs to all your family
    God bless Jeanie xxx

  5. My prayers continue as you and your family's heartache continues as you process this tragic loss of your darling baby Evelyn. You and Claire's project to help with the bereavement room is a wonderful thing to do for so many others who unfortunately will surely come after you. May this project of love give you some peace. Your photos are so precious. Thank you for sharing those with us here on your blog. How touching was your experience at the Baby Loss Awareness Day. So many mixed emotions for all of you. I read the following sentiment recently and thought of you all. Please except it with my love.
    "You were born silent.
    Perfect and Beautiful.
    Still Loved.
    Still Missed.
    Still Remembered.
    But Still Born."
    Michelle Sel_bury

    sorry not sure of author's name.

  6. Personally, I think there are some losses you never get over and never will. For some we never stop grieving. You just learn how to live with the loss. Time does not heal but it helps. Love to you all.

  7. Hello Tina,
    Of course we are here! You don't get rid of me that easily! You have been through so much . Not only did you lose your lovely little granddaughter Evie but you lost Anthea too and then had health worries! That's a lot for one lady to deal with!
    I have never gone through losing a child or grandchild but it doesn't stop me caring about and thinking of you. You will be joining the same decade as me so don't worry! They say sixty is the new forty! Well having been through both I have to disagree !!!
    Thank you for sharing these lovely , poignant photos with us! Thank you Claire for giving permission to Mum!
    Doing the positive things which you are both doing is wonderful and will not only help you but many many others too! When I thought about the room - it's a room which most people will never see - but it should be the very best it could be!
    I've just got in from After School Club and feeling a bit jaded but since I'm in my new forties I'd better get on with things!!
    Thanks Tina - you are all still in my thoughts and prayers. The whole family!
    Lots of love Myra xx

  8. Hello Tina,
    I am sending my love, prayers and thoughts for the whole family, you will find it hard to get rid of me, many have tried and failed!!!
    Thank you for letting us see the photographs of your beautiful, perfect, Granddaughter Evie, she is truly so very beautiful. I know it is so very, very difficult and will take a long time before the pain lessens but one day, believe me, you will be able to talk and think about Evie without that awful pain or body shaking. You and Claire are doing the best thing in talking and writing about it, letting people know how you feel. It was not that way in the past and so took years and years before the pain lessened. It doesn't go away but you get a sort of peace and you learn to live with the loss.
    Now as for you turning 60. By jove I wish I was turning 60 - or even 70 - but the secret is to enjoy your life as best you can. Celebrate your birthday in some quiet way, you never know it may make you all feel a little better.
    Much love
    Maureen xxx

  9. Hello Tina, such a moving post, celebrate your 60th knowing that your little angel will be there with you.
    Hugs and love
    Clare xx

  10. Yet more tears with you for Claire and Toby and Beautiful Evie, too. Well done with all your fundraising efforts to make the bereavement room a better place.
    You've had such a dreadful year that it's somehow not appropriate to say HB today, but sending you every good wish that your day is as good as it can be and that in time things will look better for you all.
    Really feel for you, Tina.

    'P' in Wales

  11. Happy Birthday Tina! I do hope that you have a lovely very day and a happy day together!
    Lots of love Myra xx

  12. I see Myra, beat me to it. Happy Birthday enjoy your day, I hope you get taken out of a lovely meal and spoilt. 🍴🍷🎂💐. Hazel xxx

  13. Hi tina.
    We are always here for u. I really don't know what to say. It's good that u and ur family can talk about it to others. Thank u for sharing ur precious photos she really is so cute.
    Glad u all managed to raise money for these special things which will In Turn help someone else. It's been such a crap year this year for both u and I. Hopefully next year will be a little better for us.
    I hope u have as great a birthday as u can. I'll give u a call soon.
    Love Tracy xxx

  14. Congratulations Claire for being so brave and thinking of so many others that have went, are going through the same as yourself or that have yet to come. In recreating that room you are making it better, more loving and more thoughtful for those that will unfortunately be in that place one day. Your bravery in making the angel chokers and necklaces, you are putting in a lot of you and more, a lot of Evie as well. It is still very early days lovely lass but you are getting through them slowly but surely with the love of a wonderful family that know exactly how you are feeling as they come to terms with their loss as well. I am sending you a huge hug lovely girl for you, Toby and Evie, and for the lovely lady that i have as a friend. Tina my lovely friend, you are doing so well and each day that is passing well some of them will be better than the last and others will feel like it was only yesterday. You have come on and made a start to getting back to the only norm you can and you are doing fantastically. Please tell Claire that her photos are lovely and what a young looking grandmother you are Tina. I hope that your big birthday comes with some happiness and more hope lovely lady,
    love and crafty hugs
    Norah (Glenochil)

  15. Hi Tina, sorry not been able to comment earlier, have had knee replacement surgery and cannot sit for long on the PC. My heart goes out to you all and especially to Claire, as Norah (above) has said she is very brave as all of you are. sending special hugs to you all. Oh and I so love the beautiful pictures, they are a truely wonderful keepsake.

    Stay safe, healthy and happy, hugs, June Smith xxx

  16. Hi Tina, so sorry that I did not reply to your post earlier but somehow missed it. It has been such a emotional time for you all this last year and I think that you have all been so brave and have coped with great dignity. I admire you all so much for the charity work you are doing to help other mummies who are, or will be going through this terrible ordeal. I do hope that you can gain some comfort in this.
    Your photographs are beautiful and I am so touched that you have chosen to share them with us. What a beautiful little girl and it must be so hard to understand why this has happened.

    I hope that as we approach a new year that it brings you all some happiness. Please Tina try and enjoy your birthday as I am sure your beautiful granddaughter would want you to.
    With love and hugs